Hidden Letters

      It had been a long week. My husband just died last week, peacefully, thankfully. The family has been around more, helping clear out some of the things. I just couldn’t stand it, being with every last thing, reminding me every time I turn around. I loved him dearly, but I’m too old to be breaking down every thirty seconds. I know it’s still so soon after, but I need to keep my sanity. I also can’t stay here, too much to clean, so many memories. So the family has convinced me to move to an assisted living place.

      I forgot how much we had acquired in the 58 years of marriage. So our three children and 8¼ grandchildren, ages 12 weeks to 19 years old, are helping. I was asked to many times, “What do you want to keep?” and “What about this?” that I just sat down while they cleaned and when they found something, I’d just yell “Padiddle.” It was our thing from before we started dating over 60 years ago.

      He always made me laugh, one way or another. He took notes of all sorts of things, especially the goofy stuff so when things were bothering me, he would just repeat them or slip them into conversation which worked a lot. But he could always make me smile… and usually melt at the same time. Reminding why it was meant to be. He even waited, thought I still don’t know why, but he did. Not to be a creeper though, he just knew. He came in when everything fell apart for the last time and swept me up. It took a bit, but he was there, every step. Every agonizing inch of dealing with me and every issue that came up.

      He was my rock. Don’t get me wrong, he had a lot of cracks, but he only showed them to me. But like a light switch he was my rock every time, whether I realized it or not.

      There was definitely a few times that everything hit me, like a tidal wave and the family would just pause and comfort me. It’s getting a little easier. But it’s still hard because he showed me how to make it through quicker. But he was there. That’s the main part of why it was so easy.

      He was always thinking, always planning. He would figure out a way to brighten my day when we had nothing but five dollars to our name. Even then, it was like we were rich… well… we were because of each other and the family. Everything became so positive again that things just jumped right into our laps at times including side projects or jobs. It was to the point of even saving up again and keeping the fridge and gas tanks full and the lights on.

            We were to the last finally when our daughter found an unopened envelope with an old nickname on it. “Baby Fox”. Wow, its bee so long, I almost forgot. That was about the time everything started to get serious with us. He wasn’t the type to give pet names without a good reason. At that time, he was getting his head together finally because he had enough traumas throw him for a loop for a time. But he came back into my life. The tears were starting in my eyes already. Before I realized it, our nosey little family were sitting, waiting to hear. As I mentioned it was unopened. That was the odd part. I didn’t think there would be anything left to open or read. “Old news” I kept telling them. But this was definitely not.

            “My dearest Baby Fox, as you are reading this… yea… I know. And I’m sorry, I left you behind. But we have a beautiful family that is taking care of you. If they aren’t, well, I will come back as a zombie and bite their faces off. LOL. But they will be. Our genes and we raised them. Plus, you never know what the future will bring.

            But knowing me, it was probably quick and quiet. You know I’m not much for drama and dragging things out, or going out with a bang. I like to see people’s reactions after all.

            I’m sorry. Things probably are hectic and confusing. I know I was your rock, I still am. I showed you how… you can do this. I have a few things to take care of wherever I am now. Meanwhile, you are probably thinking “WTH?” but you know me, I like to plan and get things ready… at the least for a warm welcome. If anything, Satan still has that restraining order, so if I’m not haunting all of you, then I’m living it up and flying high lol.

            But anyways… So everything will be ready, when you are. I’m sure the family will help take care of you. That’s my part of the blood. If they are stubborn and won’t back down after a decisions is made, that’s from you lol.

            Anyhow, Baby Fox… I love you and miss you so much. Doesn’t matter where/when I am, I feel you. I know you’ve noticed it and felt it yourself. I’m positive you can still feel me as you are cleaning the house. The headaches are from so many memories. But the random feelings are me thinking about you. You can’t hide it very easily. I’ve also set up a few things for after I’m gone. Go to our lawyers and mention “Baby Fox” and they will know. It will help. I just wanted to make sure you would be taken care of in some form. And I figured you wouldn’t want to keep everything, so I put some of the obvious things in here. X’s and O’s times infinity… isn’t enough. I love you my dove. See you soon… er… you know what I mean.”

            Love,

    Your Dragon”

    The kids were already going through the box. A security cap, camouflage pants, a length of chain, pink and black striped shirt, some mesh material, an event flyer for “Nocturne” and another for “I Love Industrial”, a dog’s squeaky, Dragon’s Embrace poster, bag of sand, lanyard with keys to each place we lived, wedding/honeymoon pictures, and a receipt. I thought it was really odd to have a receipt. It was for a special order of flowers.

    All of a sudden the doorbell rang, we were all bewildered. We opened the door to a floral delivery man holding a single bouquet of flowers. Introductions were made and he handed me the flowers. As we started to close the door he asked, “What about the rest of them ma’am?” We opened the door back up. Puzzled, we all slowly went outside. There were three trucks!

    “They were very difficult to get together being so uncommon.” he said. To which I replied, “Wh..Wha… Huh? What? What do you mean? Are they all… for us? And full? “Yes ma’am,” he replied, “You are Baby Fox, right?” My knees gave out. I almost fainted.

    Our eldest took the man aside and tired getting an understanding of this. He just gave him a letter to read. A smile came across and he just said, “That crafty old bastard. Mom, no joke, here.” I took it and it read, “ To Baby Fox, you should’ve read the first one by now. Again, I’m sorry. So here is the last time I make you cry, or at least the last reason. One peddle for every day I thought of you. Because I was never a millionaire, so I couldn’t very well get one for every moment. Enjoy! And there is a crew already paid to clean it up in a week or two.” As I looked up, if my jaw wasn’t already reaching the ground, it was pretty close. We made space for all the flowers, somehow. Three-hundred bouquets! Rainbow Roses too! The smell obviously filled the house, but it wasn’t just roses, it was vanilla and cinnamon too. That old codger even went as far as having them deliver incense too. Then to further surprise me, he left a dozen fake with a note as well. “This is the last time, maybe. LOL! But to stay with that box. I love you!”

    As if that wasn't enough, I got a call a few days later, from the lawyers. So I went in. during out conversations, it just slipped out. I mentioned “Baby Fox”. All of a sudden their faces lit up and were all excited for some reason.

    “We are so pleased, to finally hand you this. We are very sorry to hear about your husband ma’am.” They continued to talk but all I caught was, “everything was paid off five years ago, so within a week it will all be taken care of.” I dropped the papers as I realized what they were. Last Will and Testament and a very lucrative Insurance Policy. I am the primary beneficiary, then the children. Every grandchild gets $200,000 in college funds only, until they graduate with a degree. Meanwhile the houses for the kids, were all paid off as well. So they went through the numbers with me and we calculated $750,000 left! I forgot how mad he would get me sometimes and how my cussin’ would become like a language when I yelled at him.

    The lawyers were confused as to duck for cover or call for an ambulance in case I keeled over from a heart attack. But come one, a $3M insurance policy?! WTH!!

    Then I noticed there were more letters. They handed me one of them. “Sorry my little sweet Baby Fox. I didn’t want anything left to chance for once, so please calm down. Then… Read the other letter.” I was so infuriated I snatched it off the table and began to read it. “I bet you were angry, huh? It the person’s hand bleeding from a paper cut from snatching this one? LOL. Anyways… The kids will be receiving the info about the houses and grandchildren shortly. Remember, I may be gone, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy life. You may still have another 30 years after all. Live it up a little. Never wallow in the misery. See you soon, enough, baby Fox.” It never stopped amazing me how quickly my Dragon could also calm me down. When, I die… he will need a restraining order against me.

    “This is just too much. My beautiful idiot of a Dragon husband, I love you so much. See you soon.” was the last journal entry.